October 8, 2007
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After
I wish Ben could read this entry and those that will follow. I would love to tell him that Patton is a remarkable young man, and a hick and a conspiracy theorist, and still quietly remarkable. I would like to tell him how much time we spent hanging out with his brother Daniel, what he taught me about Torah, and how great it was to see him playing guitar with Isaac, then with Dave. I want to tell him how his younger brothers and sisters climbed all over Brandon and Timothy. I want to tell him how Dr. Cary was at his house. I want to tell him I got drenched in sweat trying to keep up with his dad dancing to Hebrew dance beats. I want to tell him how much I now understand about his tangled and complex relationship with his family’s faith.
Most of all, I want to tell him how Saturday night, after everyone else was gone from our campsite of college friends, I took the last remaining, half-charred piece of firewood down to the dock, doused it in lighter fluid, lit it and pushed it out onto the stock-still surface of the lake. And how I was worried for a moment it was going to run into a boat docked there and set it on fire. And how it was glorious. And how it was goodbye.
Comments (5)
I don’t know you, but this brought tears to my eyes.
One part of me is sorry that I missed out on hanging out with the Yahwehists, but by Thursday night I was kind of a wreck and I needed to go be by myself for awhile and make steps toward returning to my life in DC.
Thank-you a lot Klotz for organizing the camping trip. Ben’s death renewed our friendship, let’s do our best to keep it lit.
Dr. Carr told me of the idea of us joining them every year for the Feast of Tabernacles. I would like that. Perhaps CC and and I can come together next year.
I am missing a tent and a frisbee. Have you seen them?
I really wish I could’ve been at the campground with you.
This is truly a beautiful piece of writing. And a beautiful goodbye.
I, too, wish Ben could read this entry.
That is absolutely beautiful. I have to believe that this life is not all there is and Ben can feel your love.
Yeah you know, I didn’t talk to Patton for that long, but he did seem interesting. I feel almost terrible that he had to be there, but at the same time I feel it’s good that he at least made an effort and he could be there. I think that Ben was probably very aware of everything you said. That’s probably why he was hanging out with him. I echo Brandon’s comments. I too am glad you got us to do that, and I too would like to go back at least next year, or for however long it’s feasible. I also think your comment on my post was something that I hadn’t thought about but how right you are. And yeah, Age of Empires makes me feel so much better about life when I’m down (and it’s educational, if violent). Thank you for the things you write. I have something I want to share with you so I’ll email you some time. Keep on keeping on.